Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
