i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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