I love black thongs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
