this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
