Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
