There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
