I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
