just tell him i said nine months
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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