Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
