Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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