When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
