Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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