I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They have beer where we have blood.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
