Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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