Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
