He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
