i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
