Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
