How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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