I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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