why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
