Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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