M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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