someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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