why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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