I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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