Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think your dad took our porno
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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