DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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