we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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