Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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