I just saw a hot homeless man
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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