the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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