Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
