I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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