nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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