I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
