so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
did i just pee glitter
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
