Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
