It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
