Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
