exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
