I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
