Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
