i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
