Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
