Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
