I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
