if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
