Only a mothe r could love this liver
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
