Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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