who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
