That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you win again, gameday.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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