i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
