A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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