I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
