Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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